The end of anything is usually painful, change is usually painful yet sometimes vitally necessary. That's where I'm at right now in my life. My marriage, my second, has come to an end and while, in many ways, it is a relief, it is nonetheless, painful. You invest a lot, all of yourself really, into a marriage or relationship and so to have it come to an end, even if it is by your choice, is like a little death.
Perhaps even harder though, especially when you are in my circumstances and this is your second failed marriage, is the self-examination that you must go through. I have always considered myself to be a strong, intelligent, and above all, self-confident woman. Yet now, twice in my life I have made huge personal mistakes, shown extremely poor judgement of character and chosen, ironically, exactly the same man twice.
If I truly wish to move forward with my life then I have no choice but to re-examine my own view of myself. Go deep inside and ask the painful questions. It will not be fun and it will not be pretty, I know this already. It is, however, necessary. For even though I feel a tremendous sense of relief at the end of this relationship I'm also pained by the fact that I made exactly the same mistake twice.
I'm sure there are hundreds of thousands, maybe millions, of women and men out there who will identify with my predicament. Who will identify with my situation. Your mistakes might not be like mine, in choosing a mate, but there will be areas of your life where you keep making the same mistake.
Obviously the ending of something also represents a new beginning and a chance to reinvent your life but if you, like I, have found that you've walked this same path before - then you simply have to ask yourself why. It is not easy for me to admit that I am a poor judge of character, even harder to admit that I obviously learned nothing from my past mistake. Yet if I want to avoid a third then I will have to not only admit my faults but examine them closely and try to re-write the wiring within me that leads me down this path.
Why am I telling you all this? To be honest, I don't really know but there may be others out there, living in toxic relationships, living with abuse, whether physical, mental or emotional, who may benefit from my bald admissions. If there are my advice to you is the same as I eventually gave myself - recognize the toxicity of your relationship, admit your part in it and move on. Hopefully, unlike me, you will make the mistake only once but if you have made the same mistake twice then join me on that journey inwards to find out why.
So here's to endings and new beginnings and the promise of a better tomorrow.
Cheers,
Trace
Perhaps even harder though, especially when you are in my circumstances and this is your second failed marriage, is the self-examination that you must go through. I have always considered myself to be a strong, intelligent, and above all, self-confident woman. Yet now, twice in my life I have made huge personal mistakes, shown extremely poor judgement of character and chosen, ironically, exactly the same man twice.
If I truly wish to move forward with my life then I have no choice but to re-examine my own view of myself. Go deep inside and ask the painful questions. It will not be fun and it will not be pretty, I know this already. It is, however, necessary. For even though I feel a tremendous sense of relief at the end of this relationship I'm also pained by the fact that I made exactly the same mistake twice.
I'm sure there are hundreds of thousands, maybe millions, of women and men out there who will identify with my predicament. Who will identify with my situation. Your mistakes might not be like mine, in choosing a mate, but there will be areas of your life where you keep making the same mistake.
Obviously the ending of something also represents a new beginning and a chance to reinvent your life but if you, like I, have found that you've walked this same path before - then you simply have to ask yourself why. It is not easy for me to admit that I am a poor judge of character, even harder to admit that I obviously learned nothing from my past mistake. Yet if I want to avoid a third then I will have to not only admit my faults but examine them closely and try to re-write the wiring within me that leads me down this path.
Why am I telling you all this? To be honest, I don't really know but there may be others out there, living in toxic relationships, living with abuse, whether physical, mental or emotional, who may benefit from my bald admissions. If there are my advice to you is the same as I eventually gave myself - recognize the toxicity of your relationship, admit your part in it and move on. Hopefully, unlike me, you will make the mistake only once but if you have made the same mistake twice then join me on that journey inwards to find out why.
So here's to endings and new beginnings and the promise of a better tomorrow.
Cheers,
Trace
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